


last summer

by my_eternalsunshine



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Coming of Age, Crushes, Crying, Everyone Needs A Hug, Falling In Love, First Love, Friendship, Happy Ending, Homework, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Lee Taeyong & Nakamoto Yuta Are Best Friends, Lee Taeyong is a Good Friend, Lots of Crying, M/M, Nakamoto Yuta is a Good Friend, Secret Crush, Sharing a Bed, Soooo much angst, Studying, Summer, Sunsets, Teen Crush, Teenagers, johnny loves ten so much, rice crackers, so so sad but so so sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:14:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28532736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_eternalsunshine/pseuds/my_eternalsunshine
Summary: based off the album "last summer" by barnes blvd.he had maybe grown a few centimetres, but aside from that?johnny still laughed deep and hearty. he still kept telling the worst jokes, at which taeyong buried his face in his hands in shame. he still loved to play volleyball, and the stubble on his legs still itched.johnny smiled in the mirror. johnny was still johnny.youth is a difficult phase to live through. especially for johnny. luckily, his best friend is ten.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	last summer

**Author's Note:**

> happy new year and welcome to this johnten coming of age oneshot!  
> i never planned it it to be this long, or this tromendous, but here we are. it's a story which has grown close to me and, even if i wrote it in only a few days, feels like a whole chapter in my adolescent life. have fun reading!

and suddenly, summer ended. 

with the season ending in late august and the start of school, for most it felt like an era ended. the coloured leaves and cold breezes chiming in the recurrent season. the sun set for the last time, the backyard’s pool would be cleaned from nature’s compost, the temperatures at night sunk for the first time and johnny packed his notebooks into his rucksack with a sigh. tomorrow will be his first day of highschool.  
yeah, highschool. everyone tells you high school is the best part of your life, but in reality, it isn’t. johnny heard it way too many times, either from older students, from bad teenage movies or, he simply told those repetitive sentences to himself. don’t have too high expectations from high school. it is never as good as it seems. most things aren’t as good as they seem. you’ll get into the worst phase of puberty, and your strange classmates will as well. you’ll have the weirdest phases and obsessions. you’ll have to sacrifice sleep for studying, just try to get through this horror as fast as possible. highschool will only last for four years. but on the other hand, many, many things could happen in these four years. smirking to himself, johnny’s thoughts trailed to night-long house parties, sleepovers with friends and-

of course, your first romantic experiences. 

would someone even spot him, let alone even date him? sure, johnny would never call himself particularly ugly, or even gross. his parents were both korean, gifting his teenage face a pretty pair of almond eyes. his lips seemed a little too plump for his gender and age, also one or two occasional pimples graced his forehead. his long legs helped him being a fundamental member of the volleyball team, but even them never went with a hairy stubble or few of many, many bruises.  
neither pretty or ugly, just another student afraid of highschool. johnny suh never thought of changing himself, making himself pretty for somebody.

if it wasn’t for ten.

-

“morning, johnny.” 

of course, ten arrived on time. at 7:40, johnny arrived at the street corner they had designated their “summer meeting spot” on summer break. from now on, it probably would only be utilized in the mornings to wait for the opposite to stroll to school together, huh?  
pushing unsure, weird feelings away, the two adolescent boys grinned awkwardly at each other. ten shouldered his backpack, a sign for them to get going. 

“nice seeing you again. are you excited already?” not that ten appeared as tiny under johnny, but he sure had to raise his head a bit to look onto the pubertescent face. “i’m almost a little nervous. my first day of highschool, in an american highschool!”

unlike johnny, ten’s origins are rooted in far-away thailand, like johnny always liked to say and play fun with ten. last summer, he and his family migrated to the states, like many of them to find better jobs, and so, ten suddenly faced a completely new environment, all on his own. to his luck, two factors played in. one, thank heavens, his english was fluent, so he didn’t have to visit one of those time-consuming english courses, and two, johnny appeared.  
they had spotted each other on the first day of summer break, when ten arrived in chicago and he carried boxes and pieces of furniture into the typical american suburban house, and johnny, who passed on his bike, offered to help a struggling ten with the big sofa.  
after that, the first time they really got to chat happened a week later, where both of the boys had been sent by their mothers to get some groceries from the asian supermarket. johnny just had to grin when he saw a familiar black tuft of jet black hair grab the same rice crackers as he did. 

“the msg ones are usually the best. but i’d always make an exception for the coconut crackers.” 

“my whole family hates the thai style ones. isn’t that weird? since we’re all thai, you know.” the boy scratched his roots before grinning at johnny. “but i’d give everything for those little thot crackers who dominate my life.” 

choking on his own spit, johnny disturbed the calm atmosphere of the tiny store. “heck, you’re so weird, uh…” 

“my name’s ten, and before you ask, yes. like the number.” ten smiled at johnny and presented him his hand, which he gladly returned. “it’s a thing in thailand, my real name is much longer.” 

“good that you answered my first question already. i’m johnny, john for short, but johnny sounds less than a fat white man.” 

now ten giggled. “you’re weird, too. let’s be friends.”

as they continued to happily chatter and stroll through the isles, johnny noticed more and more features of his new-found friend.  
signed by the hot, thai sun, ten’s skin possessed a nice, honey-colored tan. the jet-black hair, often being ruffled by ten. johnny wondered what conditioner he used to make them seem so shiny. his fine eyebrows jerked down often, making his expression look almost mischievous or impertinent. but maybe those factors even played in johnny’s attraction to the boy.

and that is where johnny’s problem is presented.

he had fallen for the new boy in his neighbourhood. 

“if i’m nervous?” shoving his hands into his blue jacket, johnny huffed. “i think all that talk about highschool being ‘special’ or ‘life-changing’ isn’t true. i mean, what is so nice about a new school?” 

“but johnny! just think, new teachers, new friends, a whole new environment…” grinning, ten poked his hip with his elbow. “finding true love…” 

this sentence, in particular, jolted johnny’s anxiety sky high. “h-huh? what crap are you thinking again, ten?” he rolled his eyes. “those high school love stories are so unrealistic. what do you expect to happen?” 

“don’t see it like that, johnny. 4 years are a lot of time. always expect the unexpected!” 

“okay, mister poet-boy. i’ll always keep those words in mind when i exit this school, alone.” 

“shut up, john.” 

-

one relieving sigh, and the hardest part had already come to its end.  
as ten waited for johnny to pack his bag to silence the rumbling of their stomach, said easier, grab lunch, he smiled at the clumsiness of his friend. his long legs tripped over the wooden stool and whose dark-brown hair sticked upon his head in untidy streaks. shouldering his backpack, johnny shared an excusing grin towards ten. 

"i'm sorry, dude. god, i'm so clumsy." 

"don't worry about it, let's just go. i'm starving." 

quickly making their way to the cafeteria and getting into the line, ten stretched his neck, looking out for an unoccupied table. 

"goddamn, don't tell me we're getting the whole american high school experience." ten cursed under his breath. "i can't spot an empty table anywhere." 

"wait, nowhere?" johnny just got a, more or less, consumable lasagna served on his metal tray, and swerved his eyes around the hall. "that can't be. we're not gonna- oh!" 

johnny seemed to have spotted something. quickly, he grabbed two packages of chocolate milk from the cooling tray. "follow me, ten."

confused, ten grabbed his lukewarm food and followed johnny's big steps. "uh, care to explain?" 

"yeah yeah, i spotted yuta. he’s my friend. i have known him since middle school. we can sit with him." 

so ten followed his steps, simultaneously trying to balance the greasy food on his tray and follow johnny through the crowd. 

"yuta, taeyong! hey, what's up?" cheerfully, johnny seated himself next to a boy with shoulder-long, hydrogen blonde hair, thick eyeliner, plenty of silver ear piercings and wearing a rock band t-shirt, who's grin equally sweet shined back.  
next to him seated a boy, who seemed practically invisible next to yuta. he had plain brown hair and hid under a grey, slightly oversized sweatshirt. a pair of dark, shiny orbs mustered them behind a metallic frame of glasses. 

"hey johnny! nice to see you back!" with curiosity in their dark eyes, both of the boys looked at ten.  
"hi! are you new?" 

"y-yeah. my name's ten, i moved here this summer and, uh, me and johnny are friends."

"hi ten! nice to meet you, i'm yuta, and this fellow here is taeyong. he's a bit shy, but he'll open up in no time!" to his surprise, yuta opened up to him quickly, even showing genuine happiness over the newfound friendship he made. next to him, taeyong rolled his eyes, spouting a quiet 'tch'. 

"you're such a mom, yuta, let me speak for myself." taeyong softly smiled at ten. "hi! i'm taeyong, nice to meet you." 

the strange newbie atmosphere crumbled due to a few unpleasant sounds johnny heaved up. scrunching his nose, pulling down the edges of his lips, the sheer disgust could be read from the young boy's face. 

"is it that bad?" ten, who simply could not hide a grin from his face, both shocked and amused, side-eyed his own meal. 

"oh god, johnny." yuta giggled. "are you about to cry?" 

saint-like, taeyong pulled out a tissue, reaching over the table and handed it to johnny, who immediately, but discreetly spat out the bites. "thank you." 

"you should bring your own food, guys." pleading, taeyong pulled out a paper pag, on which the korean syllables for 'tyongie' were scribbled with a black marker. "luckily, my mom packed a bit more kimbap today, so…" 

immediately, three pairs of adoring eyes laid onto the boy, as he shyly smirked and handed each one of them a piece of rice and vegetables rolled in seaweed to his friends and, in continuation, many happy faces with reddened, plump cheeks enjoyed their first high school lunch. 

"jesus christ, why is american lunch so bad?" yuta, completely lost in the sauce, rolled his wide eyes, seemingly caught up in kimbap heaven. "i would have stayed in japan when i knew there would be times like this." 

ten, still chewing, nodded, not only with his head, but with his entire body. "dude, exactly my point. why did i even pay for this?" 

"white people. that's why." johnny took a sip of his milk and suggestively glanced over his friends. "they just make crap food. sure, they didn't do everything wrong, but they sure did most things wrong, so-" 

"johnny suh, you are in the middle of hundreds of white people." yuta spluttered. "if you don't want to get exterminated on the spot i'd better go silent right now." 

taeyong and ten broke out in ringing laughter. 

-

with the ring of the stereo-sounding bell, their first day as freshmen ended. and just like in the morning, their action rewinded. ten joined johnny for their stroll home. the afternoon sun gifted the surrounding nature a golden envelope. 

"so, were your expectations met? did you have the american high school experience?" johnny tantalizingly cheered towards ten, welcoming him with a smirk. 

"hmm…" ten looked back onto the grey building. "it is a lot dirtier that i expected it to be. but i think i can cope." 

in a comfortable silence, picking up a synchronized pace, the two of them made their way home. 

"i'm just glad you're here, johnny." the sudden words of ten, shot towards him like arrows at archery, unknowingly made the teenager blush. and ten continued.  
"when i came to america, i felt so scared of everything, of the new school too, of course, but also of the fact that i would most likely spend it without any friends by my side. but i somehow had luck and now i even made more friends due to you, so… thank you, johnny." 

the smile ten shared tried to be genuine, unfortunately seemed more awkward and tried. still, johnny's limbs started to tingle, his ears flushed pink and his hands disappeared deep into the pockets of his jean jacket while he averted his head down onto the plastered walk-by.

"oh crap, this sounds so cheesy."

"no-uhm… no problem, ten. i mean, i gained friendship through you too, and i'm honestly really glad i met you, too. it's nice to be with you." 

happily, ten patted johnny's back, for, ten being his crush, felt like the fingers of an angel had touched his back, even if just a soft brush, a small tap and a quick glide down his spine, the contact, for johnny, could last forever. and while ten chattered about something light-hearted, johnny listened and reminiscently passed the occurrences of the start into a new era.  
what would the next days, weeks, years make him do? he just knew one thing for sure:  
no matter which path he would take, ten would join him every single time. 

-

this summer, with no doubt, would be one of the happiest, johnny felt it in his guts as he stepped out of the humid classroom and entered into the hot summer day. a breeze cooled his face, the rays of sunshine strained his eyes. 

wait. that just happened to be ten’s beaming smile. 

“finally, it’s summer, johnny!” a sly smile played on his lips as he slung an arm around his shoulders. “god, what am i going to do with all this free time?” 

“let’s spend it together.” johnny proposed. “the four of us. let’s just do stuff together, even if it’s watching animaniacs in the cold house while eating fishnacks.”

smiling, ten glanced off into the distance. “that sounds like a wonderful idea.”

his heart fluttered as ten began to mindlessly chatter, which he always happened to do. that johnny’s plans seemed to cooperate with ten’s blessed him, spending his summer with his best friends, his crush? in the past year, their first year of high school, their friendship had bloomed like tulips, meadowing on a cool spring afternoon. unfortunately, johnny’s adoration did too. moreover, it did not bloom, it sprouted. johnny still shied away from confessing his feelings to his, really, his very best friend he had made. in fact, it often surprised him how ten seemed so oblivious when he reddened from his gestures, his actions, his compliments. even a simple stroke of his arm, like ten did right now, seemed to clog all his neurons. did the sun suddenly shine even stronger or where did the dizziness come from? 

“...that’s so cool. i can’t wait for tomorrow.” johnny snapped out of trance, jolting up his head before staring at ten with big eyes. 

“i’m sorry, ten… i dozed off. what were you talking about?” 

“johnny, johnny johnny. always in a different dimension, huh.” wryly, ten shook his head, but, of course, never resented him. he knew johnny often stayed in his thoughts. “i’m kidding. yuta texted me and asked if we want to come over tomorrow. because of their swimming pool in the backyard, you know?” 

“did you say yes? oh, that’s so cool!” 

“a great start to a hopefully great summer, huh?” pensively, ten’s eyes wandered over the houses, all over the huge rural areas of chicago. “these summers will be the best, johnny.” 

enthusiastically, johnny nodded back as an answer, his dark hair bouncing back and forth. “the very best.” 

-

“we’ll spend the next summers together, won’t we?” 

the next day had dawned and it seemed like the temperatures had risen even higher, peaking at almost 28 degrees. after cooling down in yuta’s pool, dunking each other down and participating in loud, competitive swim races.  
now, all of them, wrapped up in their towels, wearing red noses and messy, chlorine hair, shared some yan yan and banana milk, which ten immediately refused to drink. he stole the chocolate yan yans from yuta instead. and so, all of them sat together, chatting and happily enjoying their free time.

“every next summer?” taeyong questioned, his shiny puppy eyes eyeing up johnny. “i mean, i’d love to. i’d spend the rest of my life with you, if i could. but i can’t look into the future.” 

“but taeyong, do you think we’ll have a big fight next week and never see each other again after that?” yuta, lulling on the straw of his drink, befuddled, a little air-headed. “we’ll be best friends, forever. i’m sure.” 

“i think taeyong means something else, yuta.” johnny proposed. “if we go to college in three years, i’m pretty certain we’ll choose different courses, probably even different colleges in different cities.” 

ten looked at johnny, nodding reminiscently. “and it’ll be hard to keep up friendships over long distances. i’m scared too.” 

sadly, yuta shut his mouth. the at first so frisky and boisterous atmosphere had now turned into nostalgia for the present and fear of the future. sure, adolescence could be exciting and fearless, but time rushed with every single second they spent and it ran faster than light. for them, the fear of tomorrow should linger deep. 

“but guys.” suddenly, ten spoke up. “i know, all of us should worry about the future and sadness and death and all of this crap is inevitable. it’s hard to accept that we won't have much time together. sure, all of us know that. but isn’t that a reason to don’t give a crap anyways?” 

swiveling around with his bread stick dipped in chocolate, half dried, black hair messily hair sticking around in all places as always, cheeks pink from excitement, johnny awed at his best friend, his crush being all philosophical, all early-2000s-teenage-movie.  
straight out of a film. 

“i mean, school already tells us to worry about everything, prepare, work, don’t rest, accept your fate. but what if we just didn’t? let’s at least spend as much of our time together as we can at this point.” 

“you’re behaving like a main character right now,” taeyong commented between two bites, “but i’m with you. time is running, but why should we care?” 

“exactly! let’s spite the laws of time and space, who can forbid us to vibe infinitely?” yuta added high-spirited. 

johnny chuckled over that. “not forever and ever, but…” johnny raised his package. “i think it’s enough for today.” 

-

“johnny, i have to confess something to you.”

two years later, johnny rested on ten’s bedroom floor, revising notes for their junior year exams, which regularly occurred in june, reading through chemical formulas, snacking on inhumane amounts of rice crackers. ten sprawled out on his armchair, trying to solve math problems, occasionally chatting with johnny. a normal late spring afternoon.  
and as the word “confession” dropped, johnny’s ears immediately turned red. 

no. this couldn’t be. never. is this a dream? 

“con-wait. confess?” riddled, johnny sat up and stared into his best friend’s eyes. “did something happen?” 

sighing, ten stood up and sat next to him, grabbing a cracker. “no, it’s actually nothing bad, just….let me explain. my mom told me literally this morning. we’re going on vacation. to thailand, visiting family, stuff like that.” 

“and what’s so bad about that? ten, that’s great! i’m so happy you can finally afford that!” without thinking about it, johnny placed his palms on ten’s shoulders, big eyes and even bigger smile beaming at his opposite. “over the summer holidays, right?” 

“that’s the point, john.” with empty eyes, placing a hand on johnny’s palm, he swallowed. “we’ll spend the entire two months over there. i won’t be able to keep our promise? spending every summer holiday together, you know?”  
seemingly, on this mild, sunny may afternoon, both of their hearts seem to break. the crunching, the crackling, ten almost bursted into tears. 

so johnny decided to hug him. 

“ten. oh god, ten.” enclosing the smaller into his arms, johnny nearly chuckled. “you dumb idiot. why would i be angry over you breaking an enthusiastic promise we made when we were fourteen?” 

“but, johnny…” all of a sudden, ten’s cheeky voice seemed so incredibly small as he returned the hug. “maybe you’re okay with it, but what about yuta and taeyong? i’m sure yuta will be mad, or something.” 

johnny nearly rolled his eyes, so much did ten’s words baffle him. “listen. we’re seventeen now. back then, we weren’t dumb or something, but i don’t care that you’re using your chance to visit your family.” johnny backed away and smiled at ten, yet again.  
“don’t worry ten. i’m gonna wait for you.” 

and ten smiled back. 

-

once again, summer ended. 

like the times before, a sunday afternoon with possibly the last warm sunshine slowly vanished, leaving a warm afterglow of summer, layed like dewdrops on the area like on fresh morning greens. too sad it would be gone by tomorrow, too sad it didn’t last forever, leaving space for a new beginning. and the feeling of a new beginning, of modification, lingered in johnny’s bones this afternoon as well. with no doubt, he had spent yet another great summer with his friends, he never intended to downplay his, over the years wonderfully grown friendship with yuta and taeyong.  
still. johnny had missed ten an awful lot.  
spending the day at yuta’s house, strolling around town like rotten teenagers or simply raiding the convenience store hadn’t been nearly as much fun as if ten would have joined him. johnny caught himself thinking about him every single day, even considering calling him on his cellphone. but, in hindsight, he thanked himself for not doing it.  
ten should have arrived at home already, did he?  
the two haven’t seen each other in nearly two months, ten making the effort of writing him a postcard, telling him he enjoyed the time with his family alot but still missed him and hoped to see him on the first day of school. johnny had almost screamed, trying hard to hide the reddening of his ears when his mother had handed him the carton, glossed with a thai beach motif, one morning.  
now thinking about his return, he wondered if he had changed. he probably catched a nice tan due to the hot weather, johnny could vividly imagine his skin resembling the tone he wore when he arrived in chicago. maybe he had changed his hair colour, or he suddenly had an identity crisis and decided to shave his head. johnny chuckled at the thought of a bald ten.  
in actuality, maybe ten wasn’t the person who changed, but it was him.  
stepping in front of the mirror, johnny took a look at himself. the hair, which, after his visit at the barber’s had turned from a dark brown into a hazel, light brown, cheering johnny very much. he had maybe grown a few centimetres, but aside from that? johnny still laughed deep and hearty. he still kept telling the worst jokes, at which taeyong buried his face in his hands in shame. he still loved to play volleyball, and the stubble on his legs still itched. johnny smiled in the mirror. johnny still was johnny. 

-

ten had been expecting everything to happen in senior year. their last year in high school, their trip from adolescence into adulthood, heavy packed finals, maybe even prom? he already saw a few surprising, or even strange things happen. ten couldn’t be shaken up that fast, he wasn’t quite the sensitive person.  
but ten never expected the tall, loud and very, very pretty man running towards him to be johnny.  
at first, he thought it would be just another student from the huge suburbs passing by for school, or even a college student. but as soon as the figure started to grin widely and started to jog towards him, he recognized his best friend, and, the verb surprised could never express the explosive feelings which rummaged in his stomach on this monday morning. 

“ten!” without any warning, johnny decided to lock ten in a tight hug, almost lifting the small boy off the ground. “you can’t believe how happy i am to see you again!”

after releasing a huddled sound from the force, ten squeezed his friend back, facing up into a simply radiating grin of johnny. “hey, big boy. nice to see you too.” 

when they seperated, johnny could see why ten assigned him this nickname. he had grown beyond ten by at least 15 centimeters, ten having to jolt his head up to take a look at his big, brown eyes, pink cheeks and bright smile. 

“you look so…different.” johnny had left ten’s mind damp and he still processed a seemingly completely new johnny walking next to him. “what did you do, johnny?” 

“what do you mean? almost nothing changed.” abashed, johnny combed his hair with his hand, shifting his head from ten. “i probably just hit puberty, or something. oh! and i dyed my hair, like, a bit. it’s lighter now.” 

“i noticed too. you look so pretty with it.” ten reached up, ruffling the streaks, which made johnny blush even harder now. 

“you got a tan, ten.” johnny commented. “reminds me of you in freshman year.” 

“oh god, freshman year…” ten shuddered. “it scares me that time has gone by so fast. i mean, it feels like yesterday when we walked the same route to school and everything still was so exciting and new to us, and now we’re almost adults, johnny. adults!” 

johnny giggled. “remember that super weird bowl cut-mullet i wore in freshman year?” 

“fuck, i shouldn’t laugh.” ten had no intention to laugh, but still snickered as the image reappeared in his imagination. “in your defense, i still wear the same haircut i had back then. without the horrifying shaved sides, though.” 

god, how good it felt to talk with him, to laugh, to giggle, to joke, to live!  
his sunny presence, his youthful laughter, the arm he snarked around his body, these things he had missed so sincerely, johnny immediately created this space of home and rootedness. sure, he looked different. johnny was in the process of turning into an adult. johnny grew, ten looked mingy next to him. but the child in johnny, who looked at him with big eyes and laughed out loud, with this deep, earthy smile, this soul shined through. and ten could not be happier about this. in fact, he may be a little too happy about this, the way he started to notice things about him he never did before.  
did johnny always have such big hands?  
when did his sense of fashion develop so well?  
also, why did the plump swing of johnny’s lips make ten’s legs a little weak? 

he didn’t have a crush on his best friend, did he? 

-

“oh, by the way, i bought you something from thailand.” 

on their way home, like coming home from their first day of high school, of course, johnny and ten went home together. now, ten pulled a little paper bag from his backpack.

“it’s nothing big, or special, i just hope you like it.” 

what johnny pulled out of said paper bag happened to be a small phone charm, featuring a little grey plastic cat and a string of dark blue beads. 

“and look, i- we’re matching.” ten pulled out his own cell phone, showing the same charm, but with an orange cat and purple beads. his fragile excitement quickly turned into a sad smile, letting his shoulders hang slouchily. “in hindsight, this seems a little dumb, i’m sorry if-” 

“don’t be silly, i like it.” immediately, johnny tied the charm to his own phone, showing it off to ten with a smile. “it looks really cute, thank you so much!” johnny giggled. 

“i feel like one of those japanese street style girls, who had, like, 60-somethng-charms on their phone.” ten chuckled at his enthusiasm about a seemingly small gift like a phone charm, but still loved to see this beautiful smile on his face.  
“thank you again, ten. really, for thinking about me, and stuff.” 

“you’re my best friend, johnny! of course, i’m thinking about you! to be honest, quite often.” 

“don’t make me blush again, ten.” rolling his eyes in played annoyance. “but, to be honest, i think about you too.” 

an awkward silence built up. both were too embarrassed to spin the thought of developing feelings for each other further, a little baffled from the very open conversation they had held. this stillness lasted until they arrived at ten’s house, halting at the front door. 

“well, goodbye, ten.” johnny stared down at his best friend. “see you tomorrow.” 

in response, ten captured johnny in a hug. cautiously, timidly, johnny, heart beating, hugged the boy back, enveloping the smaller in his arms. ten happily exhaled, resting his head on his shoulder before they seperated. 

“bye, johnny. take care.” sharing a last smile, ten disappeared through the door.

-

ten had had a few crushes in his life. from pretty anime characters to movie actors, but nobody had catched his eye as much as seo johnny did. suddenly, from one second to another, he couldn’t look away from the boy sitting next to him in english class. while johnny followed the instructions of the teacher, ten’s strive to follow the teacher as well, held strong too, his love-sick self unfortunately averted his eyes in johnny’s direction, following his movements. the insanity of how one single person could captivate him as much as he did still baffled him. how did his best friend become his number one love interest in such a short time? did his glow-up over the summer really attract him this much? just his outer change? did ten really never judge beyond outer traits? 

“ten lee! quit dreaming and please listen if you want to graduate!” 

the harsh, but controlled yelling of his teacher disrupted his thoughts and his whole body jumped a bit. immediately, his ears turned red and he murmured a quiet apology towards her, before focusing back on her words. johnny looked like wanted to say something, but decided not to. 

“you’re so red, ten.” johnny, seemingly very amused, whispered to him. “did something happen?” 

“your mouth is so loose today. is there a particular reason?” ten shot back, aiming a pencil at him. “i can fight your ass, if you want.” 

grinning and shaking his head, johnny fixated on his paper again. “i feel like being threatened by a kitten.” 

in response, ten poked johnny’s cheek with the rubber side of his pencil. 

-

“by the way, ten.” 

yet again, the two of them walked home, together. johnny walked ten home, ten walked johnny home. repeatedly, it had always been the two of them. now, in the middle of light-hearted chatting, johnny raised his deep voice, god, how deep it had got. 

“why were you so dreamy in english class?” 

“dreamy?” blood rushed into ten’s face, leaving his scalp hot and cheeks red. “sorry, i don’t know what you mean.” 

“but you stared off all the time, you merely concentrated, and you always tend to focus in english class.” now, a troubled expression glistened on his face, carrying worry and even a spark of confusion. “is something wrong, ten? 

“no, it’s just…” ten sighed. would a sudden confession, right now, be the right thing?  
probably not. but he had to be honest with his best friend, he could not lie to him. it would hurt him more than it hurt johnny. “...i’m going to be honest with you, johnny. i’d tell you what it would be, and i’ve been thinking about it a lot recently, but it would, with no doubt, ruin our friendship.” 

“wait, did you kill my mom or something?” 

“w-what? oh gosh, no. it’s not that bad.” 

“well, then tell me.” suddenly, he decided to stop. innocently, johnny smiled and even blushed a bit. “if you didn’t do anything illegal, it can’t be that bad to ruin our friendship.” 

ten sighed, crossing his arms in front of his chest, uncomfortably looking onto the pavement. “johnny, you’re really cute, but i really can’t tell you. you’ll hate me.” 

“ten, if you don’t tell me i’ll stay up all night thinking about it. and maybe, in the end, i’ll hate you for not telling me at all.” johnny still smiled. that damn, stupid, go-to-hell sweet grin. it sent ten into actual oblivion. “i’ll won’t hate you, i promise.”

“well, okay.” this would be it. taking a breath, looking into the eyes he had watched for so long, first pressing his lips together. “johnny seo, i am in love with you.” 

and then, right on that street corner, sun setting between the tall oak trees, johnny grabbed ten’s cheeks with his big, warm palms and kissed his best friend. 

finally, finally his feelings were requited. in contrast to pressing his lips onto ten’s, tasting his honey lip balm, he gently caressed his cheek with his thumb, the cold, tan skin, like a memory of summer, trapped in a cage of cold desolation. he liked him back. he really liked him back. kissing ten after all these years of longing felt like heaven to johnny. 

ten noticed the force, the sweet aggressiveness of johnny’s kiss and almost had to grin a bit when he crashed his lips onto his. at first, he thought the childishness of johnny’s soul shined through, thinking him to be quite the clumsy kisser, but oh god. johnny slowed down and decided to stroke his cheek with his thumb, diving deeper. ten had to sigh, soft lips on his, the taste of lip balm everywhere, johnny everywhere. kissing his crush felt like heaven to ten. 

after a, for ten’s tastes, way too short kiss, johnny separated from ten. first staring at him, then promptly hiding his face in his palms. 

“oh no. now i’m getting shy…” he mumbled. giggling, ten stared at the man who had just given him his first and most amazing kiss in his life, shying away from building up eye contact. 

-

“you’re so pretty, johnny.” ten hummed for the nth time, as the two of them, the new-found couple strolled home, hand in hand, one grabbed the other, under the alleyways, johnny reddening again and hiding his face in his free palm. 

“you’re making me so shy, ten.” 

“but why, johnny?” ten smirked, adoring mischief hidden in every structure his face held. “you’re so pretty.” 

“no, no...it’s- it’s not because of that, i’ve just...i’ve had a crush on you for a fucking long time, ten.” the gaze in ten’s eyes seemed both shocked and curious now, shifting his head in both a prying and understanding sense. “i’ve been crushing on you since, basically all this time, since we met, oh gosh, it’s a little overwhelming right now.” 

with comfort in his eyes, ten gifted him a smirk, one that seemed not mischievous, like he often sent, but more understanding, simply said, full of love. “all this time? were you too shy to tell me?” 

“you wouldn’t have fallen for my ugly freshman self, would you?” the simple, light-hearted notation slipped over johnny’s lips like a joke, but the sudden darkening of ten’s face shot a dump feeling down into johnny’s abdomen. 

“i wouldn’t have, actually.” ten responded in a calm tone. 

“wait.” johnny let go of ten’s palms, which mere seconds ago had been folded within each other, building himself up in front of the smaller. his eyes, filled with a soft caramel glow just a few seconds ago, shifted into a dull, darkened brown. “what do you mean by that, ten?” 

“i fell in love with you when i came back from thailand after summer and you hit puberty, but, johnny!” desperately, ten tried to grasp johnny’s palms. “johnny, what is wrong with that?” 

the way johnny let his hands escape those of ten’s felt cold, stealing their warmth, but johnny’s facial expression let ten’s whole body freeze. a sheer boulder seemed to thump onto the bottom of ten’s body, staring at johnny in complete dispair.

“oh, you exactly know what is wrong with that.” johnny’s voice straight up scared him. “you only like the visual aspect of me. you only want me for my looks, ten.” 

“johnny, you know that isn’t true!” at this point, ten’s frustration saw his own heart crackle. “i love you for the person you are johnny, you’re just stupid for thinking otherwise!”

giving the frustrated ten an enormous eye roll, johnny crossed his eyes. “bad thing you’re contradicting yourself, ten. and no need to call me stupid.” johnny shouldered his backpack. 

“ten, i know you like the idea of being together with me, but beauty isn’t everything. if you don’t learn to love properly, we can’t be together. we won’t be able to function. i actually thought you really loved me, i really, genuinely thought we know each other. it feels like talking to a stranger, ten. we have nothing.” 

“johnny…” almost nearing tears, ten tried to reach out for johnny one last time. “please stay.”

“goodbye, ten.” 

and with those words, ten lost his friend, his partner, and the boy he loved. tears escaped his eyes as the boy who signified the sunlight in his life disappeared into the sunset, behind the oak trees they had just kissed in front of. 

the sight felt horrible. 

-

friday.  
heavy rain and the crackling of thunder awakened ten from a restless sleep of last night. he rubbed his eyes, reflecting on yesterday’s events. a too familiar, lingering sadness didn’t take long to return, settling back into his limbs and dropping his heart heavy, down into his chest. realization hit again.  
he had lost johnny. and everything had been his fault.  
like every morning, ten got up, spread his duvet over his bed, washed his face, brushed his teeth, the usual morning routine. scuffing down the stairs, ten thought about making some breakfast, but decided to skip it. his appetite had vanished anyways. grabbing an umbrella, his heart hammered against his ribcage. if ten acted unconditionally honest with himself, he would welcome him with open arms, many butterflies in his stomach and even more apologies, but glaring into the harsh lenses of reality, a dramatic reappearance of johnny just has to be too good to be true. moreover, in no universe, johnny would make the commitment to confront ten, to even make a step towards reestablishing the bond they had.  
not only their love, but also their friendship. the knot in his stomach tightened while his feet trudged him over the wet pavement and through the grainy suburbs. for ten, the most dreadful day had dawned. 

-

“...and johnny suh.”

calling his name out, the teacher spied her eyes over the classroom and looked out for the tall american boy, who could be seen nowhere. 

“not here? does someone know where he is?” her glance wandered towards ten. “ten, do you know where he is? you two are friends, aren’t you?” 

“no, i’m sorry.” the simple words of his teacher burned like fire on his skin. “i don’t know where he is.” the empty space beside ten felt so big now. johnny’s height being a factor, of course. but johnny radiated warmth, the substantial personality of his, the aura he emitted could never fit on to a small chair next to ten. johnny had become a personality trait of ten. 

lunch felt like ten’s breaking point.  
everyone had asked him why johnny had been missing, which seriously surprised ten. he never realized how popular he had become. now, walking into the cafeteria towards his two other friends, from which yuta happily wunk from and taeyong flashed a toothy grin. all he could offer was a penitent smile. 

“heyyy, ten! how are you? and where’d you leave our american friend?” 

lips trembling, he seated himself next to taeyong and kept silent. yet again, tears started to form in his dark almond eyes.

“ten?” taeyong seemed to notice the strange stillness of his friend and gently laid a palm on his shoulder. “is everything alright?” 

“n-no. it’s-” and as soon as he knew, he hid his quiet sobs in his hands, fingers trembling. 

“did...did i say something wrong?” yuta carefully asked. as a response, taeyong softly shook his head towards yuta and stroked ten’s back. 

soon, ten had calmed himself down. his legs still felt unsteady and his heart raced as well, but his sobs had gone silent. “god, i’m so sorry, guys. whining in the lunch hall like some sort of attention whore.” 

“you’re not an attention whore, ten.” reassuring, yuta’s tone softened down to almost that of a mother’s, handing him a pack of tissues. “you need some?” 

“thanks, yuta.” ten mumbled, grabbing a tissue, attempting to clean his nose as discreetly as possible. “i think i owe you guys an explanation.” 

taking a deep breath, sitting up straight, ten told his friends everything. from their first day of senior year, developing a crush, to their confession. if the confession on its own hadn’t put a burden off of ten’s shoulders, explaining it to his friends, with no doubt, cleared his head more than ever.  
“oh god, ten. you’re really in a pickle.” 

ten had dried his tears, drunk a few sips of water, stolen some vegetables from yuta’s lunch and felt at least a little better. taeyong had repeatedly reassured him to never be angry at him and currently stayed in silence, while yuta still had to grab a hold of the entire situation. 

“okay, okay. i think i understand everything now. but where the hell is johnny?” 

“no clue. i have to give him some sheets and homework this afternoon.” the thought of looking onto johnny’s cold facade again drained his body of any warmth. 

“ten, you should really talk to johnny.” taeyong spoke up. “in my opinion, all of this is just a big misconception from both sides. please, i’d hate to see you fight and i hate it even more to see you sad.” 

“guys, i don’t think you understand that i really am the problem.” ten almost cried it out, rage and, notably, loads of confusion swinging within his voice. “i told johnny i only love him for his outer self. i am the one who hurt him.” burying his face in his palm yet again, speaking out the problem pulled him at his core and made him feel even more horrible. “i feel like shit.” 

seeing their best friend like this shut yuta’s and taeyong’s mouth for a few seconds. taeyong frowned, hunched his shoulders up and decided to silently drink a sip of water, but yuta decided to speak.

“but you love johnny for who he is, right?” before ten could answer, yuta continued. “then go to his house and confess your feelings. just again. tell him you’re sorry, explain your feelings, and everything should be alright.” 

“but what if he’ll reject me?” 

“if he truly loves you, he won’t.” 

-

his hands shook as ten pressed the bell at johnny’s house. almost funny, a few days ago his heart had been beating as well, just not from fear but excitement. this feeling tasted like bittersweet candy on his tongue as he heard footsteps approach to his door. his hands, carrying johnny’s sheets as a key clicked, the door opened and-

“oh, ten! nice to see you!” 

“hello, mrs. suh.” internally, ten breathed a huge sigh of relief. “i’m here to bring johnny the worksheets and homework for school.” he cheeped, handing the middle-aged woman the papers.

“oh, how nice of you! unfortunately, johnny has catched the flu.” she babbled. “ he has been sleeping all day, otherwise i’d call him down. he is coughing and sneezing all day, poor boy.” 

“it’s okay, i wasn’t really here to stay long anyways.” ten lied. “when will he return to school?” 

“i believe he’ll be back on track next friday.” mrs. suh smiled. “don’t worry, johnny is a strong boy. he’ll be better in no time.” 

“thanks, mrs. suh. and please wish johnny a good recovery.” the nice wish towards johnny just slipped from his tongue, returning to the streets and waving towards his mother. shortly after, he doubted his decision, but decided to ignore the dump feeling that formed in his abdomen. 

-

monday.  
the rain had laid a heavy blanket of gloom and dismal over the small suburb ten lived in. the weekend had been mostly sleeping and meeting taeyong to study for a biology test. he told ten to not let the guilt swallow him whole, pointing a pencil at him, telling him again and again johnny’s flu wasn’t his fault. 

“the more you say it the less i believe it!” is what he had groaned towards him, letting an even more angry “i could just leave, get your fucking relationship problem together on your own, maybe you’ll believe it then!” escape taeyong’s lips.  
after that, the two boys stared at each other in complete silence. only the hammering rain serving as a background noise, hundreds of drops pounding mercilessly against the windows. the tension in the room balanced itself on the edge of a knife, about to be cut sharp. ten made the first move, whispering a soft “taeyong. i’m so sorry, i’m...i really did not mean to… taeyong.” towards him.  
on the other side, taeyong wiped something from his eye and responded with a mingy “no, it’s no...it’s okay, ten. we both made mistakes.” stretching out his arms, taeyong signalized an offer for a hug to ten, which he accepted without thinking twice. it felt good to be engulfed in someone’s arms, especially if the person happened to be lee taeyong. taeyong stroked his back, ruffled his hair, and ten almost began to cry again. to make it worse, his friend added a soft “it’s going to be okay.”, whispering it towards his ear, releasing the bittersweet sobs from ten. “you’re gonna be okay, ten. i believe in you. you’re gonna make it.” 

taeyong, one of the rare treasures of this world.

friday.  
today, ten decided to go to johnny, to confront him.  
no, not confront him. that sounded evil. he had to apologize and get things back on track. to restore a friendship he ruined in such a short time. ten had the will to fix things, even if johnny hadn’t returned to school and the rain outside turned even worse, with thunder and lightning accompanying a heavy storm. despite all of that, ten ran through the pouring rain, clutching his umbrella tight, his coat barely giving his body protection. but johnny would be worth it. that would be for sure. 

now a steady, non-shaky hand pressed the bell at a too familiar house. 

footsteps, keys clicked, a door opened and johnny stood in front of ten.

he looked somewhat pale, a little more tired than usual, wearing a purple hoodie, sweatpants, and slippers. 

“what do you want, ten.” his voice sounded even raspier today.

“i want to talk.” ten had no fear in his eyes, no anger, just guilt, looking his best friend straight in the eye. 

sighing, johnny stepped away and let ten enter the house. “take off your shoes, your jacket… ah, screw it. you already know it.” 

ten’s first success had been achieved. johnny let him into his house and even added a humorous note. they stepped up the stairs into johnny’s room. ten used to know it well, but now it seemed so extraneous to him, even if nothing had changed. the same desk, the same closet, the same armchair where several hoodies and t-shirts were placed on. the bed as an exception bloomed now a few scrunched up tissues. 

“then, talk.” johnny’s voice seemed not cold, but listless. while ten seated onto the one end of the carpet, johnny placed his body onto the other side, leaning his back against the bed. his eyes remained icy. 

“johnny, i am so- i am sorry.” starting the conversation, ten’s lips already started to tremble. “i never meant to hurt you like that. i didn’t want to create such pain for you. i expressed myself wrong, i said awful things. please forgive me.” 

“so… you think it’s over now?” johnny asked, a stern expression still applied on his face. “you think we can carry on like this?” 

“johnny, i don’t think you understand. i still love you.” ten mimiced his stern expression. “i don’t know how to show it to you, but maybe telling you will reassure you. even if i had to do it a thousand times.” 

suddenly, johnny’s face structure softened, releasing stress, frowning, ten could nearly spot a trace of his familiar puppy eyes in his faint eye holes. “do you even love me for who i am, ten? it’s nice to say that you love me, but it seems like you’re putting no meaning behind it.” 

“johnny. i thought about this factor a lot.” like mirroring, his face structure softened as well. “even before friday happened. and i love you, johnny. i love you not only for your nice hair or tall stature, but for the way you laugh, when you’re focused on something so deep you forget everything around you, every time you put your own problems behind mine to help me, whenever, without any exceptions. when your warm hugs and reassuring words lay around me like a warm blanket,” ten didn’t even notice his face, evergrowing in a pink tint. “i love you for the way you treat me not only as a human being, not only as a friend, but as a human being you want to be together with. i love you so much, johnny.” 

ten didn’t smile anymore. only tears graced his eye’s socks. a distressed johnny stared back. 

“we still can’t continue our relationship, ten.” johnny tried to stern his voice yet again, but it sounded more muffled, hidden in cotton. “i already ruined our friendship, i’ve ended all of it, how could we possibly be in a relationship?” 

“wait, what?” soft confusion escaped ten’s lips. he had expected everything, but not johnny putting fault on himself. “johnny, how did you ruin our friendship?” 

scoffing, disconnecting their eyes, johnny laughed with aching in his voice. “isn’t it obvious, ten? i fell in love with you. i should have never, honestly. i should have never tried to reach something more than friendship. i’m such a jerk, ten.” 

“you’re so dumb, johnny.” ten dropped these words without hesitation, it even made johnny’s shoulders jump. “yeah. i don’t like to call you that, believe me, i really do. but you need to take the blame off yourself.” 

off of johnny’s confused face, ten continued. “youth is hard, johnny. it’s so, so hard. living through puberty and school, parents and sleepless nights is the worst. catching feelings on the way seems like one’s personal hell. especially if you keep it for yourself and can’t get yourself to confess, like, maybe they’ll reject you, ruin your friendship? it’s a horrifying picture of a mostly unreal reality. you get scared and feed everything into your guts, then everything gets even sadder. it’s a spiral you get into, on which this silence feeds. what i want to tell you, johnny. please, don’t blame yourself for things you didn’t do. it’s good to admit that you did things wrong, i probably have to do that, but johnny. you didn’t do anything wrong. simply, you’re a prisoner of your own thoughts.” 

johnny broke. his face seemed to melt, his frowning lips trembled, his shoulders bobbed, the tall man shrunk into a diminutive puppy. ten seemed to have not only graced the core of his deepest feelings, he seemed to have just split it open, like the archerer hits their perfect ten. johnny almost looked simply pathetic now burying his hands in his large palms like ten had did so often.

with a gentle smile, ten did not waste time, scooting over and engulfing his best friend, his partner, his everything into his arms. “you can cry, john. please.” 

so johnny cried. apparently, johnny had repressed as many feelings as ten did, because he cried and cried and cried, sobbed, whined, everything. messing up ten’s grey sweatshirt, wetting it with tears, just letting everything go. ten held the boy as tight as he could, slowly stroking his back up and down, kissing his temple, just letting him go. 

eventually, everything had been released. johnny dried his eyes with the ends of his hoodie before smiling at ten. 

“thank you so much.”

“i should rather thank you.” 

“nice to have you back, ten.” he looked onto ten’s left side, where nearly his entire shoulder had been wettened. “jesus christ, i’m sorry.” 

“no worries.” ten scooted even closer to johnny, grabbing his cheeks, stroking them in the most gentle manner he could. “i was hoping to steal one of your hoodies anyways.” 

“i’d love to allow you.” 

johnny chuckled as ten leaned in for a kiss. “do you really want to have our make-up kiss with my sticky face?” 

“yes. i’d do it every day.” ten whispered, as his lips connected with those of johnnys. 

-

a few hours later, and ten’s mind still rummaged. after their talk, ten had decided to stay the night, first stealing johnny’s purple hoodie, then ordering vietnamese takeout and eventually going to bed fairly early. in defense, it had been a tough day for both and johnny still suffered from a slight cold, so they decided to rest. now, the dim moon, shining through the clouds being the only source of light, illuminated johnny’s face. pensively, he studied the features of his face, yet again. strong eyebrows, big, well-shaped nose, plump, swung lips.  
as if something had changed, johnny looked beautiful as ever. but ten still questioned one thing.  
himself.  
now, in the end, did he really just fall for the handsome boy or for the person behind the facade? did he really like his friend johnny, or just outer johnny? biting his lips, he glanced on their intertwined hands. his own never seemed small, but next to johnny, it still looked so irrelevantly tiny. johnny, so strong and pretty. but also johnny, so kind and thoughtful.  
ten closed his eyes, letting the overthinking fade. slipping closer to johnny, he breathed in the scent emitting from his t-shirt, the hoodie he wore, the whole fabric around them. his unoccupied hand wandered from his body to johnny’s top, carefully lifting it, revealing a mole on his left hip bone. ten gently stroked it, letting a giggle escape the half awake, half asleep johnny. ten breathed a relieved sigh. more sure than ever that he loved johnny inside and out.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading this story, i really appreciate it! kudos and comments are always welcome. thanks again for your support, and i'll see you next time! :)


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